And So It Begins...

Here's a revelation for ya...following God is hard.

Here's another one...I'm a lazy son of a gun...minus the son part.

It's day 2 of committing an entire year to God and I find that while I'm starting to recognize God as my husband, while I was obedient and bought a ring as a symbol, while I have done several things to implement His tasks for me, I am still far from the mark. I only halfway work towards becoming the woman God wants me to be, I'm not throwing my whole resolve into it.

Am I doing everything to follow Your will? Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

I know I'm moving in the right direction...but I'm not taking the direct path. I'm meandering. I'm wandering. I'm wasting time and resources. I'm not fully obeying. I don't think it's willful disobedience...I think it's just laziness. Which I guess is a type of willful disobedience.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that does not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
- 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

This is the real deal. I can't just have a revelation and be excited and continue on with my life. This takes real dedication, real resolve, real discipline. Three things I've never had my entire life. I have so much passion, but without proper training I find it dies quickly.

I'm scared too. That's another reason I've been reserved in my journey. What if God asks me to witness to someone? What if I misunderstand His direction and speak to someone who doesn't want to hear? What if I ruin a friendship? What if that person doesn't understand? What if I embarrass myself trying to explain? What if my co-workers scorn me for sharing my faith? What if I become lumped together with all the other "Christians" they ridicule every day? I've never had a clear, direct call to tell a specific someone about Christ. In conversations about church or morals or Christianity, I never know what things to press and what things to leave alone. How do I challenge people to see the truth without coming off abrasive? How do I gain people's respect?

Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely.
- Oswald Chambers

"Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world but be transformed in the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will."
- Romans 12:1-2

All it takes is obedience in the form of surrender. I believe that God develops the rest of it, love, faith, perserverance, discipline, discernment, grace, etc inside of us (or outside of us) in His own time in preparation for what journey He takes us on.