The Woman I Want to Be

There's this growing picture in my head of the woman I want to be. It's not an unrealistic goal, in fact I think it's a very biblical goal and feel that its who God wants me to be as well. It saddens me that I'm not that woman yet. I wish I was. But I think God is working to grow me to that woman. In so many ways, I'm still a girl. There's a lot of steps to take.

The woman I imagine in my head has a quiet strength. She is not loud and obnoxious about her opinions, but you know that she doesn't stray a centimeter from her beliefs. She radiates joy and love all the time and you can always tell when she has come from time directly with her Maker. She loves freely, taking anyone in who needs it. She gives sacrificially, without a second thought, not worrying about her own needs at all. She enjoys people and social gatherings, but treasures her study and prayer times. I imagine her with a home that is full of rooms, everything having a meaning. Every candle, every picture, every piece of furniture is a reminder of Who rules the world or of how He has provided for her. Everything about the home draws people in and it is almost never empty. There are children of all ages, from all kinds of backrounds. There are homeless, there are runaways, there are people seeking refuge, and there are professionals coming to seek companionship and training. It's the true sense of community, with this woman at the core of it. Not demanding respect, not pushing leadership, but naturally the behind the scenes leader. Someone that everyone feels comfortable talking to. Someone that everyone comes to with questions, for advice, or a funny story. A real mother to whoever needs one, a real friend to whoever wants one.

This is my heart desire. Past everything else I may want, this rings louder than anything else. I want to be that woman. And so it pains me any time I allow myself to slip into someone else, someone dictated by the people around me. When I slip into gossiping, or allow myself to cuss for effect, or focus on earthly goals I can feel something in me dying.

"Therefore, since there are so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside the weight and sin which clings so closely and run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
- Hebrews 12:1-2