It's weird when every morning isn't a revelation. It's weird when I'm not excited to wake up, when I struggle to keep my mind on my time with God. Well, it didn't use to be weird. It used to be the norm. But now that I've experienced such a full and rich time with God, it seems completely out of place.

But I know that there are dry spells in any relationship. There are times with friends when we go a month or two without talking, just because we had run out of things to talk about. We had seen each other too much and then after a month of living our own lives, we can come back to the friendship fresh. Not that I think this is what should happen in my walk with Christ. I don't think taking a break would make things better in the future. I am simply recognizing that the dry spell I feel in my spiritual relationship is congruent with my relationships with everyone else.

It's a chore to obey. It's a chore to read through my devotionals, to pray about things I know I should, to memorize the verses I have committed to memorizing. I don't seem to glean as much from things as I used to. It seemed like every sentence I read, God as speaking directly to me. I don't feel His presence anymore. I used to feel the Holy Sprit around me almost constantly. That feeling is gone now.

I know that He hasn't left me. I know that He never will. I know that He is still leading me and guiding me. I just have to work harder to be with Him, I have to seek Him more. It's hard because not only do I feel distance from Him, I feel apathy in my own heart. Or maybe contentment is the better, nicer way to say it. I'm fine where I'm at, doing what I'm doing, going on with my life. Why should I push for something I don't feel right now?

A friend on facebook put this on his status

When I read the lives of most of the great saints they didn’t necessarily feel very close to God. When I read the Psalms I get the feeling like David and the other Psalmists felt quite far away from God for most of the time. Closeness to God is not about feelings, closeness to God is about obedience

And so there is my answer. Feeling close to God has nothing to do with anything. It's like an added benefit, a nice consequence of following Him. But it is not the decider of our faith. Obey, even when you don't feel like it.