One joke about my sunday attire from my aunt made me want to completely change my wardrobe.
One nasty yet honest message from an ex boss had me crying to my parents like my heart was broken.
One varying opinion about how God speaks to us made me start wondering if I was hearing God correctly.
I can survive a lot of things. I can live without running water. I can go without food. I can live in extreme conditions. I can have crisis after crisis hit me and those around me, and I can not only survive but thrive. But as soon as someone attacks me, I fall apart.
I guess I'm like Clara Barton in that regard. Whenever a crisis hit, she was all business and she took care of everyone around her. She was the strongest woman ever when it came to taking care of people. But when it came to defending herself, she couldn't do it. When someone bullied her or attacked her, she crumbled.
I don't like it. Not only do I not like having a weakness (a remnant of the old me, who felt she had to be strong in all aspects) but I hate the effect it has on my relationship with Christ. My trust in Him falters. I start listening to those around me, rather than His voice. I start to question everything He's told me, not questioning Him but rather questioning my ability to hear Him. I start to feel very isolated and distant, and start thinking that maybe it's all in my head.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the
prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games
goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we
do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man
running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body
and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not
be disqualified for the prize."
- 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
The only opinion I should worry about is God's. The only voice I should listen to is God's. I cannot get sidetracked. I cannot be dissuaded or discouraged. I cannot stop or slow down. I must beat my body and make it my slave. I must continue on, staying in strict training so that I am not disqualified.
Because no matter what people say, God is still sovereign. God still reigns. And He is the only one I am accountable to. He is the one who calls me forward, who runs alongside me, who is my trainer and my friend and my lover. My parents do not do that, my friends do not do that, my boss does not do that, my pastor does not do that. As valuable as they are to me, they are nothing compared to my Saviour. I would forsake all those relationships before I would forsake my Father.
And so I run. I run for Christ. I run for His glory. I run for His kingdom. The only voice I hear is my Coach's. The only advice I heed is my Coach's. The only face I search for in the crowd is my Coach's. The only approval I seek is His. I run to win His prize.
My beautiful bride,
You are so beautiful to Me. I wish for one moment that you could see what I
see when I look at you. When I gaze at you, I see a treasure ready to be
discovered, a princess ready to shine, and a bride ready to be loved. When I
look at you...I love what I see! If you could grasp how beautiful you are in My
eyes, then you would never feel insecure again. The beauty I created you to be
is a reflection of Me, My love. I created you in My image, so never doubt again
that your eternal beauty is a breath of heaven!
Love,
Your Adoring Prince,
"For your royal Husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for He is your
Lord."
- Psalm 45:11
My actions are for Him. Everything I do is for Him. These things can be criticized and analyzed by others, but I know that only He can judge me. But when it comes to my physical attributes, these I often feel are judged and I feel the less for it. I don't feel pretty or beautiful or acceptable by the world's standards.
But my Husband finds me delightful. When He sees me, He desires to wrap me up in His arms and shower me with kisses. My beauty moves His heart. My eyes draw Him in. My scent is intoxicating to Him. He desires nothing more than to be near to me.
With love like that, I find that I don't give a rat's butt what you think about me.
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