I know it's crazy. I think Christians in general are sick of hearing "I'm married to Jesus" and all that jazz. I know I sound like a nutcase. But God does crazy things...which is why I like Him so much.
Here's the deal. I've known, ever since I got to that dating age, that God didn't want me dating. In the back of my mind, I knew that my pursuit should not be dating. I knew before every boyfriend I ever had that I was not supposed to date that person...that not only were they NOT right for me, but that I wasn't supposed to be dating yet anyway. I knew that there was something I needed to learn, some state of being I had to attain before I would be ready to date and before God would bring me someone worth dating. But I've always been so desperate to be loved, that I would chase men down whether for a relationship, for companionship, for a hook up, whatever it was. So finally God had me commit to one whole year of not dating...and not only not dating, but not pursuing any kind of relationship with a man. Not to spend any extra time than I have to with guy friends, not to spark up new friendships with guys, not to entertain advances from guys, not to flirt around, not to play around. Nada, nothing.
I know none of y'all are in my brain...but that's very hard for me. My brain is trained to immediately size up all the eligible bachelors in the room as soon as I walk in and to watch them to see if they are showing even the slightest interest in me. It's a frigging disease. I didn't realize how insane I am until I tried to stop. And it's gotten hardcore ridiculous.
So I guess when I was polishing those glasses, I was thinking about how hard it is to not want guys to show interest in me and how it will command all my attention, especially while I'm at work. And I was thinking about how it's even harder when the guys start flirting with me first. I guess that's when God interjected with His proposal. Wearing a ring as if I am married is a good deterrent to guys advances and it's a great reminder to myself to act as if I was married.
Which I am. Aren't we all, as Christians, the bride of Christ?
"For your Maker is your Husband,
the Lord of Hosts is His name,
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth He is called"
- Isaiah 54:5
I've been reading this verse over and over and over. I absolutely love it. This is how God has been presenting Himself to me recently, as my Husband. He's trying to show me that when I am desperate for love, I have someone to fulfill that. Before when I would turn to a guy to talk to, or to keep me from being lonely, now He's showing me that I have a Husband who does all of that. Every part of me desires that relationship, that husband that I wake up to and spend time with doing silly things like budgeting...and God's showing me that He already does that for me. He shows me how to use my money. He wakes me up in the morning. He is there with me as I sleep. He comforts me when I mess up. He gives me the energy I need to get through work.
He lead me to James Avery and had me buy a simple silver band. I was disappointed, wanting a ring with a rock on it, that was sparkly and shiny, since it's a "wedding" ring. But this ring is economically smarter and really, it fits me better. I'm not a sparkly kinda girl. I'm not a big, flashy rock kinda girl. I don't really need to impress people. I don't wear a lot of jewelry. This ring is simple and elegant. It fits my finger perfectly and everytime I see it, I feel joy flow through my body. I feel the Holy Spirit wrap His arms around me. I feel loved.
Thinking of God as my Husband helps me to rely on Him more. It helps me trust Him more. Our relationship is becoming more intimate. I'm not sad that I won't be dating this year, as I was at first. I'm not lonely. I don't fear the future. In fact, it will take a lot of convincing to get married I believe in the future when I do meet my husband.
When you have God, why long for anything else?
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