Prone to Wander

It’s been a long time since my first post about seeking God’s will for my life right now. I remember that first day I felt so excited, so sure that God had huge things planned for me and I was so ready to embark on that journey right then. But I didn’t continue in that fashion. I became distracted by my new boyfriend, by the relationships I was building, by the importance I felt when asked to be the preschool Sunday School teacher. I grew lazy with my schoolwork, I didn’t keep up a lot of friendships that were important to me, I selfishly pursued only that which benefited me directly and immediately. But most importantly, I discontinued my walk with Christ.

I didn’t read the Bible on my own anymore. I was more likely to skip a church service. I didn’t listen to my mp3 player, full of my favorite God-glorifying music, and I found more joy in watching movies than I did in talking with my Saviour. I found that suddenly I had no time for devotions, no time for fasting or meditation. Where I had previously been zealous for the spiritual disciplines, they ceased to even cross my mind. My prayers were few and far between and never in depth, always quickly-worded, never sincere or heart felt, and never about someone else. My thoughts seemed to revolve around the here and now and how I could take full advantage of it.

But God does not let His people leave Him. There is not one prodigal son He does not accept with open arms, not one lost sheep He doesn’t rescue and not one lost coin He doesn’t search the world over for. And not one Sarah Beth He doesn’t let ignore Him or His calling. It amazes me how utterly wrapped up in myself I can become, with God every calling me to Himself and I can’t hear any of it. It’s not until God completely shakes my world up that I snap out of it and realize that I’ve gotten so lost I don’t know which way is up.

But even as God turns my world upside down, He is loving me. He yanks me out of the street, not to hurt me, but to save me. His mercies are ever new and His love never ends. Everything He does is for His kingdom and for His glory and it is in my best interest to work towards that goal as well. He is there to support me as my emotions go for a roller coaster ride and He is forever supplying all my needs because I can’t in my own power take care of myself.
Take my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.