1. I am addicted to fantasy.
I can’t remember when it really started…so maybe it’s always been. I’ve been reading since I was really young and I can’t say when reading turned to obsession but it did and here I am. For as long as I can remember, I’ve almost literally ate books. I couldn’t read them fast enough. I couldn’t buy or borrow enough. Every single fiction book I could find, especially those with a heroine, I would.
These books gave me a world where I could call the shots. Whatever the story was, I would transport myself into it and mold it how I wanted it. I would make myself the heroine, able to take on anything. I was always very athletic, could fight and defeat most guys. Sometimes I had magical abilities, sometimes I was just incredibly smart. I always looked amazing, said the right thing, oozed confidence, and all the guys wanted to marry me. If I wasn’t reading a book, I was daydreaming inside one of the books.
This got to a very scary point. I almost disconnected with reality. Before bed every night, when I was all snuggled up under the covers, I would start imagining myself in one of the stories. This was a good segway between awake and asleep and helped me to fall asleep very fast.
I remember one night I was imagining myself in a magic story, where I was a young magician learning how to properly use magic. I don’t think I ever fell asleep, or maybe I did. But the imagining/dream was different than it ever had been before. It was real. Not in the sense that I was actually a magician, but that in my mind it was real. It was no longer just a fantasy, it was becoming my reality. And while I was going through this storyline in my head, I knew that there was something wrong. I knew that something wasn’t right. There was a battle going on for my mind, spiritual warfare right there in my bedroom. I remember having the worst headache I’d ever had and tossing and turning, trying to break out of the fantasy and get back to the REAL reality. Satan and his demons had a strong hold and tried to keep me locked into that world.
It was tempting. I was already pretty. I didn’t have to worry about being accepted. I always had a witty line to say. Everything was bright and green. I could defeat evil, every time. I had that one guy who loved me and would do anything for me. But God didn’t let me fall into that trap. His angels were fighting for me and used the headache to break me out of the fantasy, to let me know that it wasn’t real, that something wasn’t right. So I fought alongside them and suddenly I bolted upright in my bed, completely awake…free.
I still day dream. I still love reading and escaping for a little while. I still have that storybook romance waiting to be fulfilled. But ever since that night, I’ve never taken it too far. I’ve made sure to spend the majority of my time in the here and now. The here and now where I don’t always know what to say. Where I’m intimidated by women my age. Where I can’t wait for Prince Charming and settle for Prince No Name. Where I don’t seem to stand out at all. But where I have a relationship with God my Father, Lover and Protector and Redeemer of my soul. And that’s all I want.
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