Plastic surgery? Heart transplant.

Am I allowing His holy innocence, simplicity, and oneness with the Father the chance to exhibit itself in me?

Am I simple enough to identify myself with the Lord in this way?

Is He having His wonderful way with me?

Is God's will being fulfilled in that His son has been formed in me, or have I carefully pushed Him to one side?

Is the Son of God praying in me, bringing honor to the Father, or am I dictating my demands to Him?

Is He ministering in me as He did in the time of His manhood here on earth?

Is God's son in me going through His passion, suffering so that His own purposes might be fulfilled?

- Oswald Chambers

I'm not sure how to answer these questions. When I think back to December, when God first called me to this year long committment and I remember how I felt, how I thought, what I expected for the year, how determined I was, it's almost like another person. I have definitely wandered. I have definitely been distracted. I have definitely wandered off the beaten path more than a few times.

It makes me wonder if there is still time. The year is more than halfway over. My inclination right now is to kick it into overdrive, to make up for what was lacking the past few months. Work like crazy to earn my spot in heaven again. Got to prove that I'm worth it. Got to prove that I can do it. Got to prove that I'm not worthless, that I'm not a failure.

"He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption."
- 1 Corinthians 1:30

Continually learning that it is not myself anymore, but it is Him. Learning to swallow my pride, learning to bite my tongue, learning to release my anger/bitterness/hatred of people for what they've "done" to me and instead ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me with the characteristics of Christ.

Mold me. Change me. Reconstruct me. Until there is nothing left of myself, kill my flesh and burn away the chaff. Let this not be a simple plastic surgery that is quick and easy, has no recovery time, and only affects the surface of my life. Lord, take it to the root of the problem. Cut out my heart and the dead flesh around it and replace it with Your healthy, beating, beautiful Heart. Give me Your Son.