Following God Despite Bleeding from Your Uterus

I started off today's God time completely in the wrong mood, and I knew it. I finally started my period today after days of my body telling me "it's now, it's now!". I've been in that state of being that all women are aware of when people keep telling you to calm down and you scream back "I AM CALM!". It's a fun island to live on for a week or two at a time.

I don't know if any other women are the same way I am, but for me it's like I live on the island but I'm wearing virtual reality glasses that show me living back home where I'm supposed to be. So when someone tells me "hey you're on the island right now", I get pissed off (which in and of itself should tell me 'HEY dummy, you're on the island') and insist that no, I am at home where I am supposed to be. The more someone tells me, the more angry I get.

When you live on this island, it's amazing how little things seem like a huge freaking deal. One minor comment suddenly invades my entire thinking and I come up with all kinds of scathing rebuttals to bury my opponent in as soon as the opportunity arises. That is another aspect of the island, it's everyone against you. Every one is an enemy. And everyone put on their stupid pants this morning specifically so they can ask you every dumb question they can think of.

So as you can gather from my colorful description, the past few days haven't been so great. My boss, such a kind and caring man, loves to point out every 5 seconds that I'm pms-ing, acts like I'm going to hit him and all times, and patronizingly asks me if I'm ok. Yesterday after working all day I had a coworker get on me about my wine etiquette, I had a sous chef insinuate that I was a horrible foodrunner, and I knocked into absolutely everything in the restaurant, including clotheslining myself a couple times. On top of that, I ate everything in sight.

Bad day. Woke up this morning not feeling too much better because my body FINALLY decided to start bleeding.

I'm sure everyone is so excited about this blog post.

The point is that when I got to my prayer corner, finally, after having cleaned the entire room and showering in an effort to calm down and relieve some nervous stress that I obviously have built up, when I bowed down to pray I felt so...small? Hopeless? Tired?

I'm not sure how to express it. I was stuck in this typical "I just started my period and I'm freaking out" mood but I think this is probably the first time I was aware of it. At least while I was there on the island, instead of after I'm off the island.

So I told God exactly where I was. This is what I'm feeling. This is how I'm acting. This is how I'm responding to people. I'm snappy and short with people and on the edge of tears and frustrated . And I don't want to be this way.

Lord I want to love people. I want to listen to what they have to say, I want to respond with loving kindness, I want people to see Christ, not myself. I want to see people as You see them, not being focused on their faults, on their annoying habits, or even how they've wronged me or how I think they've wronged me. Lord open my eyes to see them as they really are and to love them where they are and to love them as You love them. Lord I want to be a gospel centered person, someone who is full of Your joy. Fill me with excitment Lord, remind me of who You are and what You have done for me. Send Your Holy Spirit to fill me and search my heart and make it clean. Scratch out everything in me that is not of You, that doesn't bring You glory. Lord bring my focus to giving You the glory and furthering Your kingdom.

"Seeking to do the will of the Father was one of the dominating concerns throughout our Lord's life. And whatever He encountered along the way, whether joy or sorrow, success or failure, He was never deterred from that purpose."

"The greatest thing for us to remember is that we go up to Jerusalem to fulfill God's purpose, not our own. In the natural life our ambitions are our own, but in the Christian life we have no goals of our own."

"We have no idea what God's goal may be; as we continue, His purpose becomes even more and more vague."

"The work we do is of no account when compared with the compelling purpose of God."

- Oswald Chambers

Therefore as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord".
- 1 Corinthians 1:31