Passion Filled Love

If what we call love does not take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love.
- Oswald Chambers

In our culture, we are encouraged and taught to follow our passions. Do what feels good when it feels good, don't miss out on any opportunity that presents itself. Fulfill your desires, look out for number 1. It is so easy for us as Christians to continue as we used to when we were in the world.

"...to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
- Ephesians 4:22-24

Now we have learned to control the passions of our flesh, to not indulge ourselves simply because we can or we want to. To look out for others first rather than ourselves. But one thing I think we've missed entirely is the passion we are supposed to have for Christ.

Christ is our Husband. He is our Romancer, our Lover. Our most intimate thoughts are known by Him, so why is it when we purpose to spend time with Him we try to make it so structured and devoid of feeling? Like it's something we have to do rather than something we can do. Why do we love Him out of duty rather than out of sheer passion? Is it wrong to be infatuated with our Lord? Is it wrong to long for His presence, His touch, His voice, His love?

In our human relationships we tend to give ourselves away very quickly I think. Or maybe that's just me. I'll fall in love with anyone and everyone if I'm given 5 minutes. I'm the kind of person that loves to be in love and it's why I've been hurt so much in the past. But the point is that I can be so consumed with the existence of a man in my life, why do I shy away from it with Christ? It's like subconsciously I've decided that my relationship with Christ is supposed to follow a checklist, be very structured, and involve my obedience above all else. Which, don't get me wrong, is a huge part of my relationship with Christ...but I've got it backwards. Obedience is my joy, to do what the love of my life wants. Just like when I'm in a relationship, all I want to do is make the guy happy and I find myself completely re-arranging my life, my schedule, etc just to pick him up from work or follow him where he goes in life or make him brownies as a surprise. Why has the thought never crossed my mind to do this with Christ?

Recently I've been yearning so much for Christ. I'm starting to look forward to going home, to crawl into bed with Christ and tell Him about my day and fall asleep to Him holding me in His arms. I used to be bothered by the fact that Christ couldn't physically hold me, because that's a big thing to me in a relationship. My love language is touch, if people aren't hugging me or holding my hand or touching my shoulder I want to crawl into a hole and die. So silly of me that I thought God couldn't hold me! He's freaking creator of the universe, He can do whatever He wants.

It's just so hard to explain how I feel about Christ. Every day the intimacy grows. Every day I love Him more. Every day I think of new ways that He provides for me. Every day I see His hand working in my life. Every day He talks to me. Every day I find that no one can even come close. Every day I treasure being single just a little bit more. Every day I spontaneously start thanking God for anything and everything.

How can I say what He means to me? Words can't do it. Actions can't do it. You will never know, maybe because I can't elucidate it for you or maybe because I am jealous and want to keep it all for myself, to treasure these little things in my heart like Mary.

"But Mary treasured up all these things, and pondered them in her heart."
- Luke 2:19