Lent

Tomorrow starts Lent. I've grown up Baptist and the only contact I've had with Lent is my Catholic Grams mentioning it and once some family friends came over to our house with ash all over their foreheads. I had seen it as part of the storyline in several fiction books set in Medieval times but all I remember is that they ate a lot of lentils.

So at the first I'm thinking "Lent is weird". Which does nothing to dissuade me from participating, because I love weird things. But it does hinder me from understanding the significance of the practice. I still don't completely understand it, but have gathered that it is a time of fasting from something that completely takes our hearts and minds off our Creator so that we have more time to devote to Him as we prepare our hearts for the celebration of Easter.

I'm excited and scared at the same time. Scared to give up what I'm used to , what I hold on to. It'll be different. It'll be a change. It'll be hard. I'm giving up 2 things for Lent, meat and facebook. Meat because I want to honor God with my body and I love to overeat on meat way too much. I've even come to notice that sometimes my mind is completely focused on my next meal or dreaming about my next meal...I'm pretty sure I've wasted days of my life on such thinking. And facebook for the obvious reasons. It steals my life away. I don't have much down time, but when I do the very seconds are precious. But those seconds are too often squandered on facebook.

I've been justifying myself with eating so much meat by saying that I'm not spending any money...most of the time it's free food. Ok, but while I'm gorging myself on this "free food" my thoughts are completely on myself. And usually, on the NEXT time I get to gorge myself. What about people who don't have access to free food, or to a lot of meat and rich foods? Is it fair for me to take advantage of it when it is presented to me, if I don't need it? The world would tell me yes. It is always ok to take advantage of something or someone if they present the opportunity. Well I say no more. My thoughts are extremely easy to get sidetracked and I want to be physically and mentally capable to wrestle them where they need to be.

I justify facebook because I can't get on it very often. But when I only have 1 free hour for the day to get 29384729374 million things done, and I end up surfing facebook and looking at everyone' s pictures and status updates and writing on people's walls, soon I find that not only have I used up my free hour but I've stolen another hour from things I was supposed to be responsible for. Again, the world would say that I deserve some down time, that I work hard and I should indulge myself or take care of myself. LIES AND FALSITIES.

Both of these fasts are to remind myself how much I listen to the world over my Lord and Saviour. It's going to be so hard, because I know these lies are ingrained deep within my heart and wound all the way through my habits. But fasting from meat and facebook for a month or so is easy compared to the struggles people deal with everyday. I am so blessed just to have the opportunity to fast from these things!!!

There's a cry in my heart, for Your glory to fall, for Your presence to fill up my senses. There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline, a hunger for things that are deeper. Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart, could I go there with You? For I've been here before, yet I know there's still more. Oh Lord, I need to know You.
- "Cry in My Heart" Starfield