It hurts when you're dating someone and you can feel them pulling away. When they don't call you at their usual time, when their texts are shorter than normal, when they seem to always be busy with other things. If you're aware of it, you may ask them what's wrong or why they're pulling away. They probably deny that anything is wrong or are angry that you would think so. If you're not aware of it, you just have this ache in your heart and feel lost and confused. It's a painful process, whether the end of it is a break up of the relationship or the significant other comes back to that intimacy you both had previously. If it's a good ending, you will always have this bruise that doesn't go away from that whole fiasco. You may always wonder what it was that pulled them away...another woman perhaps? Were you just annoying them? Was it that they were pursuing their career apart from you, because you wouldn't approve or they couldn't pursue it if you were involved? And there is always the chance that it will happen again. A kind of anxious, nervous anticipation will accompany you the rest of your life as you try to prepare your heart for it to happen again.
God goes through this process a million times a day with 6 billion people. Only He doesn't wonder about why we pull away or what we're doing or if we'll do it again. He knows. He knows exactly what stupid things grab our attention and love from Him. He knows why we seek this insignificant things, whether material or otherwise, and He knows that He fulfills those desires and needs of our hearts completely. He also knows exactly when we will do it again, whether with the same thing or with a new thing that crosses our paths.
I've often thought that God blessed me with the ability to feel immensely. This can be a curse and it has been at some points in my life because my heart was not His. I love with everything in my body and that can sometimes mean that I leave my body behind with past relationships. Recently, since I've started this marriage with Christ, it's been less of feeling my own emotions to the extreme and being fully aware of them and more of feeling what God's feeling. I'll suddenly be overwhelmed with how much I love someone and then realize I don't know them. I'll hear about someone's struggle and feel my soul ache for them. At times, I can hear God screaming in agony over His children, either the pain they feel or their inability to release it to Him. I can hear God's laugh as we watch people's interactions and recognize their own unique ways of thinking or responding to other people. I can feel God smile when He sees tenderness and kindness and love.
My Husband longs to be with me. He longs to hold me, to whisper in my ear, to share with me how much He loves me and others, to teach me something new, to tell me something I haven't thought about before. When I get caught up in my life, in my work, distracted by new possibilities or new friends, or potential love interests, His heart cracks. He's the perfect gentleman though and won't explode with anger or manipulate me back to Him or demand my return. No, He will wait for me to decide to come back, to want to come back. And several days or weeks or months or years later when I finally realize what I've been doing, my heart cracks too. I'll run back to Him, tears streaming down my face, my mouth open in a silent sob, and collapse into His open arms. His tears will mingle with my own as He whispers into my hair "I love you, I love you, I love you." I'll cry into His shoulder "I don't want to leave again." It'll be a wet, messy, slobbery, snotty embrace that will start a new chapter in our relationship, and bring me even closer to Him.
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