Wait on the Lord

"Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian, it is as if He puts him in the 'shadow of His hand' (Isaiah 49:2). The saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a 'darkness' that comes from too much light - that is the time to listen."
- Oswald.

It's interesting to me how much of the Bible, or maybe just how much I'm reading lately, talks about being still and knowing God. Our culture is so full of quick results, instant gratification, microwave emotions. We've begun to think that is reality. If he doesn't love me now, he never will. If she does not change now, she never will. I told my friend once to stop drinking, I don't know why he hasn't stopped yet. We're so stuck in doing and if the doing is not producing instantaneously, we move on to another doing. Some people try the Christianity thing, give it a go, but because it doesn't miraculously change their lives, they move on.

And those of us who are committed, who are in it for the long haul can still be discouraged. We get in those valleys, those pits of despair and think it will never change. We believe in God but He begins to look smaller and smaller. Our present affliction begins to look bigger and bigger. It is hard to continue in the same thing without seeing results. It is hard to keep loving someone who never changes their hatred towards us. It is hard to resist temptation every morning, day, and night without it ever getting easier. It is hard.

This past year God had me surrender the entire year to learn discipline. A year of perseverance, a year to "be still and know that He is God." It was an amazing year. But it was only a year. Abraham waited 13 years to hear from God. Could I have waited from 21 to 34 for God to speak? Can I be a dedicated follower of Christ, exemplifying Him as much as my brain can grasp for 13 years? Would I love Him more and more everyday? Would I continue to surrender to Him every morning, study His word, seek His face?

Who am I, that I think "giving a year to God" is something phenomenal? Where does this self righteousness come from, that believes I have graciously bestowed my time to the One who created time? My measly year of surrender is nothing compared to Abraham's 13 years, to Zambian Christians who get up at 4am and pray for 3 hours before their workday. Living in my air-conditioned house with my pantry and fridge overflowing with food, I believe I have suffered for Christ, that I have given up a lot.

What a joke.

"

Abraham went through 13 years of silence but in that time all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed."
- Oswald

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Lord, I think only a fraction of my self-sufficiency was killed this past year. A mere fraction of a fraction. There is still so much of my pride and arrogance left. So much that still demands "Me, Me, Me". You know me, Lord, better than I know myself. Whatever it takes God. Kill my pride. Rid me of myself. Fill me with Your Spirit and Your love and Your grace.

"Do I trust at all in the flesh? Or have I learned to go beyond all confidence in myself and other people of God? Do I trust in books and prayers or other joys in my life? Or have I placed my confidence in God Himself, not in His blessings?"
- Oswald

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, turn away from evil It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
- Proverbs 3:5-8

With my eyes on God, everything else fades in comparison. Not just fades, but disappears. Firmly planted in Christ, years of silence can not phase me. Firmly planted in Christ, lies and deceits can not trick me. Firmly planted in Christ, oppression can not win over me. Firmly planted in Christ, Satan can not have me.

And so with empty pockets and open hands I stand before the Lord and say "None of self and all of Thee."