Sacrifice.

This morning I picked up Radical by David Platt and read a chapter. The chapter was called "How Much is Too Much" and talks about the rich young ruler who Jesus told to sell all possessions in order to follow Christ.

The past week or maybe even longer than that have been stressful for me. The pressure of finding a job as bills piled up, going through training, keeping up with school, discipling a younger sister, with romantic interests sprinkled all in there. Once I start making money, who do I pay back first? When do I find time to read chapters for school, do defensive driving for the county, spend time with family, grow new friendships around me? Is dating a good idea right now or should I worry about other things? Even further back, I was consumed with finding furniture pieces for my room, to create exactly the environment I wanted. I have a to-do list that grows rather than diminishes and I never stop thinking about it.

Every day I look into the eyes of a homeless man or woman just a few feet away from me. Every day I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. If I'm feeling cowardly, I won't even look in their direction. Several days a week I siit next to men and women who are struggling, single moms with several kids and a full-time job who is trying to get an education. Several days a week, I work with men and women who make money to waste it on drinking, possessions, and fun times. There are children who live here in Austin that don't have a solid home, that are jumped from foster house to foster house. There are women raped and abused with no way out and no belief in any other kind of life.

And this is just in Austin. There are so many more hurting and needy people worldwide.

How can I stress? How can I worry about furniture or anything for that matter? Isn't Christ Lord of all? Doesn't God hold everything in His hands? Do I think that I can add one day to my life through my stressing and worrying?

Satan knows that all he has to do is distract me from what really matters. To be consumed with life, with what is "good" and "right" and to ignore or forget about what is "gospel" and "Truth".

When I'm worried, I pull into my own little world. I can't see anything outside of the bubble inside my own head. I'm selfish, thinking and caring only about myself and what I can accomplish.

Lord forgive me. You have told me time and time again that you have my finances under control. You have told me time and time again, this is where you want my focus. I know that when I am surrendered to You, when Your Spirit fills me than allt he cares of this world fade away and I find myself pushing to love as much as Your love can pulse through my body. When I release my hold on everything, You guide my hands to touch the hurt, the sick, those desperate for love. Knowing this, how can I ever pull my hands back?

God I am so depraved. I would rather live for myself than for You. This morning Lord I am reminded of how much You have given me. Lord, rather than basking in my blessings, I want to give them out. Open my eyes Lord, give me ears to hear the cries around me. Fill me with the Spirit that resonates Your will. I lay my hands off of everything Lord and recognize it's ownership in You. Get these things to those that need them Lord. I need nothing Lord but You for man does not live on bread alone. Forgive your daughter for her intentional blindness. Challenge my thoughts, my actions, my will Lord. Weigh down on me with Your glory, expose that which is evil in my heart, scrape the mud off the walls of my life. Blast me with Your Spirit, remove everything that is not bringing glory to Your name. Not what I want Lord, but what You desire. May my thoughts follow Your thoughts, my ways follow Your ways. Empty pockets and open hands I stand before You and praise You for You are I Am.