Obedience

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God has given His commands to us, but we pay no attention to them - not because of wilful disobedience, but because we do not truly love and respect Him." - Oswald Chambers

The Lord is terrifying. He is Creator and Destroyer. He is the Beginning and the End. He always was and always will be. Our minds cannot imagine Him and if we were to see Him our eyes could not contain Him (my theory is your whole body disintegrates in the presence of God because His glory is so great....but thats just a theory). The thought of seeing God's face or of hearing Him talk audibly to me is enough to poop your pants...and then some.

It's easier to stay distant from God, to pursue His ways but not Him. It is safer to listen to teachers of the Word, to read the Word, to talk about Christ in our social circles than it is to get naked before Him. It's safer for me to live my life without ever fully looking upward at Him, to honor Him in my actions but not bare my heart for His conviction. Obedience is hard. it is painful. It is messy. It is confusing. We feel better about our obedience if it is merely obedience to a human's interpretation of God's law. A pastor, a teacher, a mentor will all make mistakes. We may feel that we can interpret someone else's interpretation of the Word. We can listen to a sermon, agree with the message, and yet never change our thinking or way of life in light of it.

"Why are we so terrified for God to speak to us? It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey. But if it is simply one of God's servants speaking to us, we feel obedience is optional, not imperative. We respond by saying "Well that's only your own idea, even though I don't deny that what you said is probably God's truth." - Oswald Chambers

But when God comes into your life, there is no ignoring Him. He fills every inch with Himself. He invades your heart, your soul, your mind, your body. When the Lord speaks, you will answer. His holiness demands submission. When God commands, you cannot pretend you don't understand. You can't ask for clearer instructions. God commands and gives you what you need to obey. There are no excuses left. Now it's do or die. You either submit, obey, love God or you look into the very embodiment of holiness and say "No."

We all want to say "No" to God. We all want to do everything our own way. We have different pleasures, distractions, things that we delight in (or believe ourselves to delight in) and we don't want God to take it away from us or to tell us to go spend our time/money elsewhere.

Oh the mercy of God, knowing that His very presence demands our submission, He withdraws from creation to allow us free-will. It is always our choice whether or not we obey His commands, whether or not we listen to His voice. God knows that as soon as He puts us before Him, we must obey. How could we not? But the Lord wants our wilful obedience. He wants us to choose to love Him, even further than that He wants us to recognize that we don't have the capacity to love Him but to want to so much that we cry out to be filled with His very Spirit, that Spirit that brings us into direct communication with the Lord, that fills us with His love so that we can pour it back out in praise and worship to Him. How great is our God!

The shame of knowing that I have ignored my Lord, after everything He has led me through, after everything He has done for me...the shame overwhelms me. I can look back over my life and wonder how I could be so stubborn, so stupid to believe that anything less than obedience would be sufficient for God.

Sweet, sweet obedience. Loss of myself. None of self and all of Thee. Empty pockets and open hands. Willful slavery to the cross.

Weigh me down. Wreck my world. Strip me of my idols. Holy Spirit rush through me. Lord convict me. Christ lead me to the cross.

Sacrifice.

This morning I picked up Radical by David Platt and read a chapter. The chapter was called "How Much is Too Much" and talks about the rich young ruler who Jesus told to sell all possessions in order to follow Christ.

The past week or maybe even longer than that have been stressful for me. The pressure of finding a job as bills piled up, going through training, keeping up with school, discipling a younger sister, with romantic interests sprinkled all in there. Once I start making money, who do I pay back first? When do I find time to read chapters for school, do defensive driving for the county, spend time with family, grow new friendships around me? Is dating a good idea right now or should I worry about other things? Even further back, I was consumed with finding furniture pieces for my room, to create exactly the environment I wanted. I have a to-do list that grows rather than diminishes and I never stop thinking about it.

Every day I look into the eyes of a homeless man or woman just a few feet away from me. Every day I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. If I'm feeling cowardly, I won't even look in their direction. Several days a week I siit next to men and women who are struggling, single moms with several kids and a full-time job who is trying to get an education. Several days a week, I work with men and women who make money to waste it on drinking, possessions, and fun times. There are children who live here in Austin that don't have a solid home, that are jumped from foster house to foster house. There are women raped and abused with no way out and no belief in any other kind of life.

And this is just in Austin. There are so many more hurting and needy people worldwide.

How can I stress? How can I worry about furniture or anything for that matter? Isn't Christ Lord of all? Doesn't God hold everything in His hands? Do I think that I can add one day to my life through my stressing and worrying?

Satan knows that all he has to do is distract me from what really matters. To be consumed with life, with what is "good" and "right" and to ignore or forget about what is "gospel" and "Truth".

When I'm worried, I pull into my own little world. I can't see anything outside of the bubble inside my own head. I'm selfish, thinking and caring only about myself and what I can accomplish.

Lord forgive me. You have told me time and time again that you have my finances under control. You have told me time and time again, this is where you want my focus. I know that when I am surrendered to You, when Your Spirit fills me than allt he cares of this world fade away and I find myself pushing to love as much as Your love can pulse through my body. When I release my hold on everything, You guide my hands to touch the hurt, the sick, those desperate for love. Knowing this, how can I ever pull my hands back?

God I am so depraved. I would rather live for myself than for You. This morning Lord I am reminded of how much You have given me. Lord, rather than basking in my blessings, I want to give them out. Open my eyes Lord, give me ears to hear the cries around me. Fill me with the Spirit that resonates Your will. I lay my hands off of everything Lord and recognize it's ownership in You. Get these things to those that need them Lord. I need nothing Lord but You for man does not live on bread alone. Forgive your daughter for her intentional blindness. Challenge my thoughts, my actions, my will Lord. Weigh down on me with Your glory, expose that which is evil in my heart, scrape the mud off the walls of my life. Blast me with Your Spirit, remove everything that is not bringing glory to Your name. Not what I want Lord, but what You desire. May my thoughts follow Your thoughts, my ways follow Your ways. Empty pockets and open hands I stand before You and praise You for You are I Am.